Friday, November 23, 2007

Rocket Man

I go pick up my female self, Fake EL, for a date. Her sister, Fake RL, is there when I arrive. She once again threatens to kill me if I make any kind of move on my female self. I put up with it because my female self is really hot - she looks exactly like what I used to look like before I was beaten up by Fake RL, except she's a girl.

While we are driving to the shopping mall my female self says to me, "Your face, it looks like it's healing up pretty well. The scabby stuff is beginning to get really flaky and dry. You're well on your way to a full recovery." Her statement leaves me so confused. I'm happy that I'm going to make a full recovery and look hot again, but did she have to mention the scabby stuff on my face? I start to get all choked up, but I didn't want her to know that I'm so emotionally unstable so I tell her I'm crying because I'm choking on a grape stem stuck in my throat.

When we arrived, we head straight for Sephora and Bath and Body Works to buy moisturizers and mud masks. We share tips and advice on different anti-wrinkle and anti-aging creams. We are having so much fun that I almost forgot about my scabby flaky face.

After we finish shopping Fake EL asks, "Fake JS, do you want to do a facial together?" Oh my god, my female clone wants to exfoliate with me. This is the definitive next-step in our relationship. Of course I want to do a facial with my female self! I immediately book an appointment with Alejandro, my personal facial and massage specialist, for a his-and-hers facial and massage session. He tells me his spa, Alejandro's Man Spa For Masculine Manly Men, usually doesn't do women, but since I'm one of his best customers he makes an exception.

We arrive at Alejandro's Man Spa for Masculine Manly Men in no time and immediately land in exfoliation bliss. Alejandro is working on me while his man-assistant Renaldo is working on my female self. I can't believe my female self and I are doing a his-and-hers facial and massage so soon. Are we moving too fast? I think I love her. Does she feel the same way about me? I've only ever felt this way about myself, but someone else - that's new territory. These thoughts completely consume me during the facial and massage session. Suddenly, Alejandro and his man assistant tells me, "We are done. We'll leave you alone now Rocket Man..." They both leave the room giggling.

Rocket Man? What do they mean?

It was at this moment that I realized that I was so aroused by the fact that I am doing a his-and-her facial and massage with Fake EL that my "number-one" peer out through all the towels covering my Adonis body - Alejandro and Renaldo saw it. No wonder why they left us alone. This is so embarrassing, They'll think I'm such a slut. Dear god I hope they don't they tell Donny about this. Thank god Fake EL has cucumbers over her eyes so she hasn't seen my "number-one" display itself in its full glory. I need to calm "it" down so I focus all my thoughts on Hans and in no time "it" shrivels back into hibernation.

Not too long afterwards Fake EL gets up and looks at me. She has an ear-to-ear smile on her face. I asked her, "Why so cheery?" She doesn't say anything to me. She pulls out her compact and hands it to me. I tell her, "There's no way I'm looking at myself with all the scabby crap on my face", but she insists so I reluctantly do it and to my surprise....

My face has completely healed! WOO HOO!

Apparently the citrus scrub that Alejandro did during my facial completely cleaned off all the flaky scabs. My face is as BEAUTIFUL and as PERFECT as it was before Fake RL mangled it in a brawl. I burst into tears of happiness. Fake EL's smile becomes a laugh. We hug. We lock lips. Our first kiss - there couldn't be a more appropriate moment.

I've so in love with myself right now that my "number-one" shoots out again from the towels wrap around my body. Rocket Man has returned. It's embarrassing, but I don't care - I hope everyone reads this entry of my secret diary - it's been so long since I've admired myself. I can't believe how much I miss myself.

I'm so beautiful.
I'm so handsome.
I'm so hot.

I'm so giddy that I start dancing just like the baby in this video:

I can't stop this feelin' deep inside of me.
Self, I just don't realize what I do to me.

When I hold me in my arms so tight,
I let me know everything's alright.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm...hooked on a feelin',
High on believin' that I'm in love with meeeeeee.

Lips are sweet as candy, the taste stays on my mind.
Self, I keep me thirsty for another cup of wine!

I got it bad for me, self, but I don't need a cure.
I'll just stay a addicted and hope I can endure!

All the good love, when we're all alone.
Keep it up, self, yeah I turn me on.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm...hooked on a feelin',
High on believin' that I'm in love with meeeeeee.

All the good love, when I'm all alone,
Keep it up, self, yeah I turn me on.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'm...hooked on a feelin',
I'm high on believin' that I'm in love with meeeeeee.

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