It's 8am in the morning, I just got into to work and before I can even catch a glimpse of myself on a highly reflective surface, King Jorge pops in my office. He looks like he really needs to talk to me, but I stand my ground this time. I've had enough of him being so self-centered. It's always about him. I didn't even get a chance to look in the mirror yet. It was really windy today and the walk from the parking lot to the office could have been really disastrous for my hair. I tell King Jorge to give me a minute. I whip out my compact to look at myself. Ah, there you are handsome. The face. The hair. The smile. Immaculate as always. I don't even know why I bother checking. Oh I know why, because I'm sooo hot.
I hear a "Ahem..." in the background. It came from King Jorge. I almost forgot he was standing there waiting for me, but can you really blame me? It's so easy to be so self-absorbed with a face like this. Alright, he's still my boss so I'll show some respect, "What's up King Jorge?" He replies, "We need to talk Fake JS." He has some paperwork in his hands. He points to it and says, "I just got orders from my new boss, Hugo 'The Huge' Downer. He wants us to consolidate office spaces to make space for his team. We all will be sharing offices with another co-worker from now on."
King Jorge was not kidding about the de-motivation thing with Hugo. This really sucks, having another person in my office will mean that they will want to decorate their part of the office with their stuff. I'm gonna lose a lot mirror space. I needed to know who was going to be my office-mate. Please don't let it be my man-assistant, Hans. Please let it be my Donny, um...I mean, my best bud Fake DM.
I need to know...
"King Jorge, who's my office-mate?"
He flips through the paperwork and until he finds my name. He looks up and says, "Fake JZ"
Ah Brrro. Why does it have to be her? This is awkward (cross reference King Jorge: Fix The JVM Problem, King Jorge: The JVM Problem is Fixed and The King Jorge Era is Established, and Do these hotpants make my buttocks look big?). I guess it's not that bad. It could have been worse. It could have been my man-assistant Hans.
I whip out my compact to admire myself so that I don't have to think about the awkwardness of having Fake JZ as an office-she-mate, but thoughts of what could have been if Donny and I were office-mate saddens me. I feel a tear trickle down my smooth and handsome left cheek. I cannot be alone right now so I photograph myself nude and load the images onto my computer's screensaver and watch that for the rest of the day.