Fake JZ is my co-worker. We work on a lot of stuff together. She's not a fraud like me because she's actually gets stuff done, but more importantly she not as hot as me. It's really difficult to be as hot as me so I wouldn't really fault her. I have a meeting with her today. I like having meetings with her because she lets me use my compact to look at myself any time. Everyday I ask her, "Fake JZ, who's the handsome-est of them all? It's me right?" and she always replies, "Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say." I'm not really smart enough to understand what she's saying, but it does sound positive so I'm assuming she agrees with my statement. You see, smart people like Fake JZ and Fake Jeff speak English good. I'm not smart enough to speak English good. It's actually quite embarrassing. Thank god this is a secret diary.
Anyways, I have a meeting with Fake JZ today and it's on the second floor. I get there first. I'm in the meeting room all by myself waiting for her. I'm getting bored because there are no highly reflective surfaces in the room. I'm upset. Oh wait, my new iPhone. I pull it out of my pocket. It's so shiny and reflective. FSJ is so brilliant for making it such a shiny object. I love shiny objects. I love seeing my reflection on them. Ugly people upset me. I'm really beginning to admire myself and all of a sudden the room goes completely dark. There's a power outage. Damn, I can't see myself. I'm really upset.
My iPhone rings. The screen turns on and lights up the room. I can see myself again. Happy times. It stops ringing. The screen turns off and the room goes dark again. I can't see myself again. I'm upset. This keeps happening for the next few minutes. When I'm finally fed up with this, I check who's been calling. It's Fake JZ. 10 missed calls. I'm not happy with her. She should just keep ringing my iPhone so that I can continue to admire myself. She's being so self-centered. I call her back to confront her about this issue, but she rudely interrupts me, "Fake JS, there's no power in the building and I'm stuck in the elevator! I'm scared! Please help!" I reply, "Fake JZ, why is it always about you?! You're being self-centered right now. I'm upset that you keep turning off my iPhone light!" A brief pause. I think she finally realizes the errors of her way and responds, "Fake JS, I'm stuck in the elevator! Please help!"
I forgive her and I ask her I what I should do, but before she can answer her phone disconnects. It must have ran out of batteries from calling me so often. I quickly run to the elevator and push aside the facility crew trying to pry open the elevator door and tell them I'll take care of this. I give my hottest looking superhero poses in front of the elevator door. My mere hotness opened the elevator doors and brought power back to the building. Everyone thinks the electricity company fixed the power outage, but I disagree. Fake JZ jumps out of the elevator and exclaims, "Fake JS, you're my hero!"
A really handsome hero right?
Yeah yeah yeah, whatever you say.
Yeah, I'm so hot.