Fake DM is back in town - Part Two

(continued from Fake DM is back in town - Part One)

Hans has disappeared. There's a trail of blood leading to cafeteria. Fake DM wanted to look into it furthermore, but I stopped him from doing so. I whipped out my new compact to look at my myself and I say to him, "Brrro, I'm so hot. Forget Hans, he'll live. We have more important matters to attend to. We have to go back to your office to get your other compact." Fake DM nods in agreement so we both head towards his office.

On our way there he asks, "Why do you keep calling him Hans?" I give him a puzzled look. He continues, "Brrro, that not his name. His name is..."

Donny gets interrupted by a co-worker, "Hey Fake DM, welcome back. Looking good!" Donny responses, "Hey good to be back. Thanks!" Another co-worker says to him, "Fake DM! Nice to have you back! Looks like the girlfriend is keeping you happy!" Yet another complement on how good looking he is. So I'm standing next to him while all these complements are being throw his way for next half hour or so.

This is ridiculous. It's so obvious that I'm so much hotter than him, but yet he's getting all the attention. What's wrong with everyone?! Dude, I'm hot! Look at me! Look at how hot I am! Why are they not complementing me?! Complement me! I should always be the center of attention. I'm upset. I put an end to it by exclaiming, "Everyone! That's enough! All hands meetings in five minutes!" Now everyone will be force to focus all their attention on me!

Fake DM looks at me and ask, "Brrro, what's up? All hands? What's going on?" I shoot back, "Brro, don't play coy with me! I know exactly what's going on!" I shove his compact into his hand, "I won't be needing this!" He gives me this innocent look, "Brro, what's up?" as I strut towards my office.

"Five minutes, all hands. I'll see you there."

(Five minutes later)

Everyone is gathering in the meeting room. I instinctively reach into my pocket to get my compact, but it's not there. I've lost count of how many times I've done this. To make matters worse, I cannot find a highly reflective surface anywhere in sight. I'm really beginning to miss myself. I begin twitching. Everyone's staring. I'm going through some major withdrawal here. I really need my compact. I need to look at myself. I think everyone's beginning to notice my twitches. I've never gone this long without looking at myself. My knees begin to tremble. Just before I completely lose it, I see Hans limp into the meeting room. I barely recognize him. He's got a huge blood-soaked bandage taped to his nose. It's grotesque. Everyone focuses on him. What's going on here? I'm losing everyone's attention to ugly duckling Hans. I'm supposed to be hot. Everyone look at me. My twitching gets worse. I'm feeling dizzy. I think I'm gonna faint. I feel my knees buckle. The room goes dark. I pass out.

The next thing I remember is my eyes opening to Fake JZ slapping my face and Fake DM holding his compact in front of me so I can see myself. I hear Fake JZ asking Fake DM, "How did you know this was going to work?" Fake DM replies, "I was afraid this was going to happen. He cannot go too long with looking at himself. If that ever happens he just shuts down."

I look like a complete retard and Fake DM is looking so handsomely heroic. I've got everyone's attention now, but for all the wrong reasons. This is flat out embarrassing. Luckily for me this is a secret diary that no will we ever read.