King Jorge: The New Boss

King Jorge is my new boss. He talks a lot, but he seems to say the same thing over and over again. "Update XPlanner!", "Update your time!", "Update this!", "Update that!"

He also makes me go to these things called "Daily standups". He tells me I'm supposed to tell everyone 3 things in these meetings: What I did yesterday? What I plan to do today? What is impeding me from doing what I need to do?

He's so demanding.

I tell him I don't need to attend because I do the same thing everyday; admire myself and as long as I have a mirror nothing is impeding me from admiring myself. He just laughs at that statement like it's a joke (That was upsetting because I was serious) and tells me he wants me to focus on work related stuff.

Dude, I'm in trouble. Everyone will find out I'm a fraud. I never do any work. I spend all day either looking into mirrors or finding myself on highly reflective surfaces. I'll have to start making up stuff now. Maybe I can get Hans to write up some fake work for me. Oh wait, I broke his nose. He's still pissed at me so he definitely won't do anything for me. Damn, I have to make up my own lies. But before I can finish my thoughts, King Jorge brings up Hans. Oh my god, how did he know I was thinking about Hans?! Damn, why is someone as retarded as myself surrounded by so many smart people like Fake Jeff, Fake JZ and now him! It makes me feel even dumber. Thank god I'm still hot.

He tells me Hans had an issue with me. Dude! That Hans! He ran into me! Jerk! Now he's trying to get King Jorge to put the blame on me.

King Jorge asks me, "Why do you call him Hans? His name is not Hans. His name is...." Suddenly my reflexes take over and I pull my compact out of my pocket to look at myself and King Jorge's words blur to blah blah blah

Happy times. I touch up my hair. I wink at myself. Yeah, I'm so hot.

"Yeah yeah yeah King Jorge, whatever you say..."

He replies, "I'm glad you agree. So I need you to get on it, okay? Chop! Chop!"

Wait, what did he say? I wasn't paying attention. Thank god this is a secret diary that King Jorge will never read. He'll be upset if he ever knew I never pay attention to anything he says.

(to be continued: King Jorge: Fix The JVM Problem)

[Editor's note: Due to the fantastical nature of these chronicles, I have decided to make sure readers have access to a different point of view so that they may decide for themselves what is real about this fake blog: Click here to see Fake Jeff's chronicle of this event]